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Dubs resurrected in Croke Park Jail Break: Die-hard Dubs Jesus and Lazarus reflect

Dubs fans are breathing a sigh of blessed relief up on Hill 16.

Full back, David Byrne, has just equalised against Monaghan in the 79th minute to send the Dublin faithful into delirium.

Dublin, down and out, back from the dead, outscore Monaghan by 1-07 to 0-01 from the 60th minute to steal a point from a game they had no right to even consider drawing.

Die hard Dubs fans, Lazarus and Jesus, pause to reflect:

Jaysus! exclaims a rain-soaked Lazarus, eyes popping, scarcely believing the miracle come back.

Wha’? says Jesus.

Sum gay-um da’! says Lazarus, I thought de Dubs were dead n’ buried!

Sure, who are yeh tellin’?! says Jesus, with a knowing glance.

I haven’t seen a comeback like da’ since you rose from de bleedin’ dead!

Lazarus laughs.

Right back at yeh, JC, ya bleedin’ Easter bunny! Nice of yeh to say so, but sure, da’ was all


Torrential f*#ckin’ rain too, Laz, wha’?! says Jesus.

Haven’t seen anytin’ like da’ since Genesis. F*&ckin’ climate chay-ange!

Lazarus checks his watch.

C’mere, will yeh ever text Noah to pull up outside de Bridge Tavern wi’ his bleedin’ boat or we’ll never ge’ back.

An’ tell him to leave the feckin’ giraffes at home, I keep tellin’ him de boat’s too bleedin’ small. Not sure dis ‘Uber Ark’ ting is goin’ ta work ou’ for him if he keeps bringin’ de animals.

Tell you wha’, Laz, says Jesus, wiping his brow as they exit Hill 16, there’ll be a special place in heaven for James McCarthy. Best outfield player of the last decade, bar none. Two points today when de chips were down. F#@kin’ brilliant player!

Jesus pauses ruefully.

Wish we’d had him back in my day. Might have ended differently.

Ah yeah, Jaysus… says Lazarus.


No, I wasn’t talkin’ to yeh, I was just, y’know…exclaimin’…’Ah Jaysus’


Lazarus pauses to reconsider his line of conversation, as Jesus takes a reflective moment to think back on his own career. They enter the Bridge Tavern to wait for Noah. They order a pint and sit down at the bar.

D’you know what, JC? You just can’t bait the National League. Isn’ i’ on’y brilliant?! Mouldy aul’ night an’ all at Croker but f#@k me dead, you can’t bait it for sheer heart-stoppin’ entertainment!

I agree, says Jesus, da’ fella McManus is f*%kin’ deadly up front! He’s 34 too, an’ still goin’, a year older than me when I retired.

Lazarus: An‘ da’ goal keeper, Rory Beggan. I always said Moses was de best we’ve ever seen – when he parted de Red Sea - da’ was really sumtin’ else. But Jaysus! Who de f#@k scores a free kick from 65m out?!

Erm…hang on, says Jesus, a sudden look of suspicion falling across his face, I might…eh…y’know…just give me Da a quick buzz...

Jesus gets out his mobile.

Da, y’know da’ point yer man Rory Beggan scored? Was da’ f#@kin’ you again? INTERFERING??

Ah Jaysus!, comes the reply, will you ever give de man his due. I had nuttin’ to do wi’ i'. He’s an exceptional talent, is all.

Alrigh’, Da, fine, says Jesus. But I’ll be tellin’ me Ma if I find out you’ve been down in Paddy Power again.

Jesus hangs up the phone. Says it wasn’t him.

The lads look at each other, mightily impressed by Monaghan’s savage intensity, outstanding defensive organisation and superbly worked team scores.

Fair play, de Farney were very good now, says Lazarus, sipping from his pint in acknowledgement. Dey’ll be hard bet dis summer.

Yeah, bu’, yeh can’t take it away from Dublin eider, Laz, replies Jesus.

Don’ be forgettin’, de lads are just back from holiday. Sure, dey’ve no work done ye’ an’ dere were a lot of new faces out dere for Dublin tonigh’. Monaghan will be ragin’ but sure dey’ve on’y demselves to blay-um. Couldn’t seal de deal.

Our lads never gave up. Nuttin’ seemed to be goin’ righ’ up front but dey kept on goin’ an’ goin’…stuck to de gay-um plan, stayed focussed; brilliant gay-um management under pressure. Sure, de Dubs won 4 All Ireland Finals by a single point last decade. Dat’s no coincidence, Laz.

An’ leave it to Kevin Mac to score anudder goal! Turned de gay-um for us, he did. He has to be my favourite Dub of all time, did yeh know da’? says Jesus, beaming with pride.

‘Ah you’re righ’, you’re righ’, says Lazarus. Da' young lad, Colm Basquel, was grea’! An’ Holy Jaysus!, Jaysus, da’ young lad, Sean Buglar, he played a fantastic gay-um when he came on!

Sure, look, we go’ ou’ of gaol alrigh’.

Ah we did. Sean Buglar? More like a Sean Burglary.

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